Size Matters
If you have ever wondered about how much size does matter, then read on.
Size Matters
In the spirit of honesty and delivering a clear cut message, I would like to make the announcement that this article is not about:
a. Sex
b. People’s concern about weight control.
There. Move along will you…those of you who are looking for the secrets of being big in one area, or getting smaller in another.
I’m up to something else in this article—and trying very hard not to feel like a female Andy Rooney, complaining about things that aren’t worth our Limited Worry Time. Life is too short as it is, but I cannot help noting that even after all these years, there are some things I just don’t get.
I don’t understand what SIZE actually means. By what do we measure?
What I don’t understand about SIZE, is what people and products intend when they determine what size something is.
Here are the questions that are bothering me:
1. When I buy the large box of cereal, why is there a Family Size box looming, right next to it?
How big is a Family when determining how large a box is large enough.
2. Why is a junior size an odd number of any size ( 7, 9, 11) while “ladies” department sizes are even (8,10,12,14). How odd is it being a junior? And wait! If you are a woman, not a lady, you have a separate department to shop in: Women’s World. And get a W attached to your size number.
You can only be a lady AND a woman if you are a 14-16 (which is a Large size, but larger than a box of cereal) because a size 1X is pretty much also a 12-16, except you might often have to pay a couple of dollars more to be a woman instead of a lady, if you order from a clothing catalogue.
3. Why is a man’s size 8 shoe a different size than a women’s size 8 shoe, even if we are talking about sneakers, and not a snappy pair of pumps?
4. If you buy large shrimp are you being a cheapskate? Because you could have bought giant shrimp, which cost more, but are fewer in number. Don’t even talk to me about why I might want colossal shrimp, which are bigger than giant shrimp. It’s way too much opportunity and tension in the seafood section for me.
5. Which naturally leads you to consider candy.
After all, despite such size dilemmas in both food and clothing, buying good food and clothing ARE most satisfying reasons for anyone to go shopping, unless you are a man who hates shopping in favor of convenience stores. Then all you might care about regarding size is checking out the six packs. Cans of beer—good. Fosters? Big as a can of 30 weight oil? Better.
Oh, yes. Candy. What does “Trial Size” mean? What does “Bite Size” mean? What in the world does “Fun Size” mean? You have yourself enough fun in the candy department, you can go from a junior to a lady to a woman within a fashion season.
All this confusion is enough to make someone say, “Make that a Jumbo,” just to cover all of the bases, and possibly one’s butt.